Bangkok to Hanoi (the goods, the bad and the mugsme) 15/4/2016

There's definitely something to be said for the theory around the balance of pleasure and pain needing to be equal. What had been the one of the funniest, most enjoyable days I can remember became soured somewhat by the realisation that around 4000 Thai Baht had been lifted from my wallet at the hostel, but the second realisation that I was also no longer in possession of my trusted hard drive which had been with me since the start of the trip left me with the feeling of resigned defeat. Not only did this contain all my music and film files that I had been using to help me relax when such time was needed, but more importantly it also had stored on it a bunch if personal documents that are going to be difficult to replace, as well as my "raw" image files for all the pictures I had taken up until the end of Vietnam, having stored them all externally due to Apple being remarkably stingy with hard drive space on a machine that retails for 1250 gbp in the UK. But no matter how you look at it or who ever you try to blame, the fact of the matter is that while the loss of money is annoying, the pictures and 5 month of "work" irreplaceable, both are now gone and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it.

I can't tell you the amount of times I almost apologised for my own actions on not hiding these things better, stopping my self before (or sometimes just after) the words "it's my own fault I guess.." slipped through my lips. It's an attitude or thought that somehow we have allowed to become normal in the way we think or view

victims of crime, and I for one from now on refuse to take any of the blame. I can't be 100% sure that my hard drive was stolen, but with money going from my wallet as I took a shower in the morning , thoughts leads to the possibility that maybe it wasn't a one off. We're always told that we need to be careful with our possessions, keep things locked up  or hidden from view. I have a better idea. Why don't we try putting the ownness onto the people who stand to profit from their actions at the expense of someone else no complicit in the plan. Just a thought.

Until there is a directional shift in the understanding who is at fault, everything remains the same. we remain having the shit kicked out of us and then continually try to justify it to ourselves with the reflex start of  "it's my own fault I guess.."  

I continue to check with hotels and airlines from the last part of the trip in the minutest of hopes that it got lost somewhere in transit, but seeing as I recall seeing it at the hostel then unless that is a mistaken memory (not impossible with the amount I have moved around) the chances of that are slim to none. 

I'd love to be the better person here, to be able to turn the other cheek and say that the other persons need was greater than mine, but I just can't.  If you took my hard drive (a 1tb Toshiba hard drive in a clear plastic water tight bag) and my money, no matter the reason you think you can make for justifying it, I wish you severe personal injury, misfortune and a very painful and unpleasant death. You know nothing about me, what I have done or what I have been through, and you have absolutely no right to take anything away from me in the thought that you deserve it more. If you've taken it in error please return it. If you don't I won't hunt you, I will not find you and I doubt very much I would kill you. but all of the vitriolic language I spouted above will still very much apply.

Things don't get much depressing than taking a double kicking, or do they?

Well, challenging maybe.

Arriving at my destination in Hanoi it was soon apparent that my camera had finally given up the ghost, advancing somewhat from "glitching a little bit" that it had been the night before. The rear panel was now dead, a couple of buttons ceasing to work and then finally the electronic viewfinder also stopped  working, looking pretty much like it was finally game over.

The prognosis from the Camera shop was bad. What sounded to the western ear like "The main bolt is broken" turned out to be the much more expensive "The main board is broken", carrying with it a $500 to $600  estimated repair bill. I thought about it, trying to argue the for and against in my head while the man in the shop waited on the other end of the line for my response. I had been travelling for 5 months, had spent a lot of money that I would never recoup by photography sales (I've never sold one to date), but this this was more of a project anyway, and the thought of missing the last few weeks, especially in the part of the world I had been trying to get back to see for the last 2 and a half years was a strong point in favour of the repair, but the cost and the lack of funds now available made it hard to justify the expense, especially seeing as the potential for how and when I was going to be earning again when I get back to the UK is not yet clear. 

"Leave it" I finally blurted. It's too much really, leaving it an hour before I went to pick it's lifeless body back up from the camera morgue.

but I couldn't give up. I have a problem like that. Each time I switch the camera on I could feel it jolt, it wanted to live. I just needed to find out how to get it there.

Stopping in the electronic shop a little later I picked up a micro HDMI to HDMI cable and then went about plugging the camera up to the TV back at the hotel and turned both items on. The image from the camera burst onto the TV, which was more than I was expecting, and with this small breakthrough I was able to access the menu items and go about changing some of the items I thought could make a difference, setting the rear panel to off to try and force the image through the eye piece amongst other things.

It only bloody worked. 

Progress,slow, but progress.

I reassigned some more buttons in the menu to give me quick access to functions that I had lost due to further failure, and then I was all set to go and test. Auto focus was far from perfect initially, tracking was not so great, but the more I used it, the more the camera seemed to learn and adapt. Considering the overwhelming feeling of defeat that I had been feeling over  the previous couple of days, it was a small, but massive development.

I may have lost more than I would have liked in a short period of time, but at least I can now hopefully finish the picture project I started a little while ago, and this, at least mentally for me, is a absolutely huge turn of events.

It's been an epic journey of highs and lows. For now though I just need to get through this  next couple of weeks without anyone taking a fence.

Just wish everyone else would extend me the same courtesy.